The Redeemer

Sometimes I just wanna start over

'cuz everything looks like a wreck

And I need the courage to carry on

'cuz I can't see whats ahead

And there are places I've wished I could be

Battles I've wanted to win

Dreams that have slipped through my hands

that may never be back again

But I'm still a dreamer,

A believer

Oh, I lost my faith in so many things

But I still believe in You

Cuz You can make anything new

Sometimes I just wish we could say

All things that are easy to hear

Ignore the injustice we see

And explain every unanswered prayer

But I'd rather speak honestly

and wear a tattered heart on my sleeve

cuz in the middle of my broken dreams

Redemption is here

And I'm still a dreamer

A believer

Oh, I lost my faith in so many things

But I still believe in You

cuz You are the answer

The Redeemer

Oh, I've given up on too many things

But I'm not giving up on You

cuz You can make anything new

I don't have every answer in life

But I'm trusting You one day at a time

Cuz You can make a weak heart stay alive

Forever

And this is where heaven and earth collide

I lift up my hands, I give my life

This is how my weary heart stays alive

Oh. I'm still a dreamer

Still a believer

And You are the answer

The Redeemer

Cuz You can make anything new

Yes, YOU can make anything new

The Redeemer....... Sanctus Real

One step forward, two steps back!

Its been a while since I've blogged, trying to get my head around IVF. My head is spinning - Literally - I'm feeling very dizzy right now.

Went for my pre-treatment scan yesterday & blood tests, I was really nervous, never having an internal scan before the not knowing what to expect was scary. It wasn't as bad as I had expected, not a nice experience but not horrible. Although what they found hasn't filled me with much joy, the scan showed up a polyp & a cyst on each ovary, I think this explains the doubled over pain I have been experiencing for the past 3 days although Pughy thinks this is just a coincidence.

I do feel like things are always being put in my way as a sign that I should give up. Like when I put £500 of stuff onto ebay and only made £15, or the £1200 insurance claim that came through taking away all our savings, and now 2 cysts that may cause problems and slow the whole process down.

But then I have to look at the positives like both our parents offering to help with the costs, and Iaine, Julies husband, offering to pay for it all with Julies life insurance. All the good advice I am receiving from friends and people that have been through the same thing and my faith that this is all in Gods plan for my life.

Sunday was fathers day, I'm so happy that I was born into such a loving and happy family, my Dad is amazing, he is such a good role model, he has worked so hard all his life to look after my mum and me and my 2 sisters, it can't have been easy for him living with four girls. He brought me up to appreciate everything and to be thankful to God for what he has given us. On Sunday we all went out for dinner for my nephew Sam's 18th birthday and I could just see how proud my Dad was of us all. I love him and my mum so much, I hope one day that I will have a family of my own and if I do even as half a good job as my parents then I'd have done good!

Then I looked across the table and I see my Mike looking so sad, He had not heard from his 2 children, all it needed was a call, he wasn't interested in a card or a gift. I want to give him a child with me so much.

Just had a call from Nurture saying that the doctor needs to talk to me about the results of the scan, and they booked an appointment for 26th July!!!! that's over a month away! Everything is on stop again, it feels like one step forward two steps back all the time.

We are back to the waiting game and not knowing what is going on again.

They tell you not to get stressed out but what else is there to do?